Posted by Debi Stangeland in
Have you been mulling over the idea of circle of self lately? (Check out Part 1) This is such an important concept for women to understand and put into practice. Without healthy boundaries we can get bogged down and dig a pretty big pit for ourselves. Once inside it is very, very difficult to get out on our own.
Let's look at it this way:
Have you ever planted a garden? How successful were you? Did you find that it took constant tending to make it flourish and grow? Could you see, first hand, the difference that regular maintenance made compared to checking on it once in a while?
All of the elements that go into making a garden grow, mirror the elements that make a healthy woman grow and flourish (that's you!) Soil, seeds, water, pulling out the weeds, pruning; all these things create an environment where beauty can grow and bloom.
So, how do we do this? What do we do if our garden is overgrown?
Let's start at the beginning. (Very Julie Andrews of me, don't you think?)
1. Pray. Ask God to show you where your garden needs to be tended to. Ask Him to give you wisdom as to where you need to place the people in your life. Which circle do they need to be in?
2. Read. If you have never read "Boundaries" by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, then get yourself to the nearest library or book store and pick up a copy today. Much has been written on the topic of boundaries, but this book is the best, in my humble opinion. It will walk you through numerous examples and helpful instructions about why you need boundaries and how to set them properly. (Then do #1 again.)
3. Prepare. After you read "Boundaries" be prepared for some of the people you establish boundaries with, to push back. Sometimes they push back hard. It is okay. God wants the best for you and He has modeled healthy boundaries for us time and time again in His word. If you are prepared for the different methods that people use to try to throw you off track you will succeed, eventually. Establish a support team of trustworthy friends or even a counselor. When the going gets tough, a support team is key. (And do #1 again.)
4. Practice (in love). When I first read the "Boundaries" book I was so fired-up to clean up my life I ran out and started lobbing huge bombs all over my world. After causing mass destruction I had to go back and humbly ask for forgiveness and start the process all over again. Don't be like me. Go slow. Use love as your guide. But remember - as you are loving others and setting healthy boundaries, you are also loving yourself. Sometimes others don't see how you are showing love. But you are. God wants you to be healthy so don't be discouraged. Press on. It will be well worth it if you do. (Now, go do #1 again.)
5. Tend. Just like a garden takes constant tending, so do your relationships and the boundary lines in your life. It isn't a one time thing but rather a continual practice. The good news is that the more you practice at having healthy boundaries, the easier it is. (Oh yeah, do #1 again.....and again.....and again!)
Sounds easy right? Just 5 simple steps. Ok, maybe not. However, I have been through this process numerous times and I can honestly say that though it has been difficult at times, by following these steps and doing it correctly I have grown in ways I could have never imagined. Each time I have to make an adjustment to my own circle of self it is less intimidating and with prayer I know that I am doing the right thing, the right way, with love.
God has given each of us a sphere of influence, a garden so to speak, for which we are responsible. We are called by Him to keep it healthy, make it thrive and by doing so we show the world His love. You can be no better witness to those around you than to have a healthy garden, sphere of influence or circle of self. Others will see your love and the healthy life you live and catch a glimpse of just how much they are loved by God himself.
