Stop Keeping Score
“That’s not fair!”
“I didn’t get as much as her!”
“He got more than me!”
How many times have you heard these words either as a mom or a sister?
Fairness. Equality. Keeping score.
As parents we try our best to keep things fair. Gifts, allowance, treats. As women we want to make sure things work out well for everyone. Same amount of money spent on birthday presents for friends. Similar effort put into a baby shower or bachelorette party.
Whether we admit it or not, deep down, we have a knack, as women, for keeping score. Admit it. You measured the gift you gave against what you received in return from your BFF for your last birthday.
Somehow this spills over into our marriages too and has become legendary in counseling circles as one of the number one reasons for divorce – keeping score.
This is not a new idea. Men have been been fighting over fairness since time began. Cain and Able. Jacob and Esau, Joseph and his brothers – and that’s just the first book of the bible.
But before we lay all the blame on the guys remember a woman named Eve? Her ultimate downfall was wanting to be equal to God the Father. She wanted to have the same knowledge as He does.
Remember how that one worked out?
Jesus once told a parable of some vineyard workers. The owner of the vineyard needed help harvesting the grapes, so he hired some men in the morning and promised to pay them an pre-agreed wage. He also hired some men in the late morning, early afternoon and late afternoon, all with the same promise.
When it came time to pay each man for his labor the agreed upon wage was the same for every man, regardless of how long he had worked. This caused quite a dispute.
Let’s look at it another way. Many of you are bloggers. So what if the story went like this:
There were some bloggers. Some had been blogging for many years and had 500 followers. Others had been blogging for several months. They too had 500 followers. Still a few more had been blogging for 2 weeks and they had 500 followers.
Or what about this story:
There was a woman who was trying to loose weight. She worked out and dieted for 6 months and lost 30 pounds. Her neighbor also wanted to loose some weight. She worked out and dieted for 3 months and lost 30 pounds. The woman’s sister was also trying to loose weight. She worked out and dieted for 6 weeks and lost 30 pounds.
Keeping score is one of the oldest and most base struggles that human beings have. We’ve been fighting for our perceived rights since Eden. Now, all this time later, our society hold fairness and equality up on a very high pedestal. Sometimes, for good reason. But sometimes not. So much so that it has become a part of our core beliefs – fairness, fair trials, fair prices, fair trade. We keep score to keep it fair.
We keep score on the street, in the driveway, in the church pew, on Facebook and Twitter. I think if we really admit it we are failing miserably at keeping score on Pinterest, but we pin like we’ve got it all together anyway. As if the perfect candy-store party was our idea – or we could actually wear the skinny jeans we admire so much. But I digress.
If you think back to the story that Jesus told, we all know the basic premise – All who repent of their sins and accept Christ receive the same reward, regardless of when they repented. I know you know this part THINKING GIRLS. But what is the lesson a little deeper down?
Let me give you a hint. It’s deeper than just comparison. It’s deeper than equality. It’s deeper than justice.
Ultimately it has to do with true forgiveness.
We CANNOT forgive the way Jesus instructed us to forgive until we stop keeping score. True forgiveness also forgets. There is no score, no memory, no hashmark, nothing.
When we really forgive someone and do it in the manner that Jesus has instructed us to, there is no record of wrong.
Jesus instructed Peter to forgive seventy times seven – literally 490 times per offense. You may never need to do that but then again, maybe you do. Against whom are you keeping score? Your husband? Your mother? Your father? An attacker? God? Yourself?
Life isn’t fair. It’s never been fair. It never will be fair – there is sin in the world and therefore justice will always be somewhat elusive. However, you are a daughter of the King and it’s time to give yourself PERMISSION to stop keeping score.
Think about the book of Genesis. Just one book in a collection of 66 books filled with tragedies and offenses.
What happened when Eve tried to keep score?
Sin and death entered the world.
What happened when Cain tried to keep score?
What happened when Jacob tried to keep score?
He got a wife he didn’t want.
What happened when Joseph’s brothers tried to keep score?
Well, famine, for one.
What is happening in your life because you are dead set on keeping score?
How’s that working out for ya?
What could be happening in your life if you would let the blood of Jesus Christ be what it is – the forgiveness of sins?
By the way, I don’t recall him asking for your help in this area. I don’t remember God bringing up your name, as in:
“Oh yeah, if ________ would just help me keep score, I could be so much more effective in saving the world!”
Listen, THINKING GIRLS, enough is enough. Jesus has already been here and done the work. He doesn’t need your help. Your score keeping isn’t helping anyone, including yourself.
What will help is when you give yourself PERMISSION to stop keeping score and begin forgiving those who hurt you in a real and genuine way. You will stop being out of line with the will of God for your life. You will stop expending energy on useless endeavors. You will stop trying to do the work that God wants to do.
Instead of being head score keeper you will:
- begin to see Him do a good work in your life.
- be free to go where He wants you to go.
- become a woman of excellence and purity and passion.
What would you rather be? The score keeper (nice pencil) or the true daughter of the King (nice crown).
I know what I want to be.
Won’t you join me today? Give yourself PERMISSION to stop keeping score. Let it go. Forgive and become the woman that God has created you to be.
Romans 8:1-4 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the life-giving Spirit in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and death. For God achieved what the law could not do because it was weakened through the flesh. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and concerning sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, so that the righteous requirement of the law may be fulfilled in us, who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
Score keeping = law, sin, death
Forgiveness = freedom, eternal life
What’s it gonna be?
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